Don’t ask why, but I started thinking about Twilight the other day. I started imagining what it would be like, what the movies would have been like, if Edward was turned into a vampire when he was 80 not 17.
"Bella, I want to you to have a life, to experience life before I turn you. I want you to graduate high school, graduate college, have some pregnancy scares along the way. Then I want you to find yourself in an unrewarding entry level position with no upward mobility. I want you to go back to school only to become disillusioned halfway through your graduate track. I want you to drop out and convince Charlie to spend his meager police pension to send you on a trip to India, where you will take a Sikh lover, get food poisoning, and realize that your life wasn’t that bad. I want you to come back to the states, jump into a cutthroat career, make a fortune trampling the hopes and dreams of others, then realize that you can’t thrive on the pain of others. I want to see you leave the corporate world and open a combination cupcake and thrift shop that features the art of local artists. I want your parents to die. I want you to have to deal with making sense of your mothers eccentric finances and pay off your father’s medical expenses. I want you to develop a drinking problem, trying to escape the pain of the loss of your parents. I want you to get into a car accident that leaves 3 dead, and you partially paralyzed… and when you get out of jail… at the age of 80, then… then Bella, I will turn you, and we can live the life of the damned, together… for eternity… peeing your pants every time you sneeze."