23rd
A friend, not going to say who, because I don’t want to incriminate, but a friend has begun to suspect that their father is planning to murder someone… and I am starting to agree.
Why?
Because, some time ago, he signed them up to receive six jars of peanut butter ever six months from Amazon. Now, this could be written off as an out of touch parent trying to do something nice, but misguided for their child whom they hardly ever see. People like peanut butter, and maybe this was motivated by some long remembered day when they were hanging out, and my friend said something like, “I love peanut butter Daddy. I love you.”
But…
A few days ago these cans of bacon flavored Spam showed up. Apparently my friend has now been signed up to receive six cans of Spam every six months. I know what you are thinking, and no, they aren’t from Hawaii. Spam! Who eats spam, besides Hawaiians? Who would send their kid six cans of Spam every six months? Who… but a crazy person?
So…
My friend has begun to suspect that their father is laying the groundwork for an insanity defense for MURDER, and a pretty good one if you ask me. If he has a cat named Ambrosia and his own urine from the past three years in bottles in his basement, I don’t see any way he gets convicted.
I just hope that the media dubs this the “Spam Defense,” like the “Twinkie Defense.” I also hope that Spam latches onto the case, and starts an advertising campaign with the slogan, “People Are Crazy For Spam!” Maybe these ads could feature my friend’s dad with an “S” carved in his forehead.
