30th
History is boring when you take out all the juicy details, which is what most high school history books do, what most high school history teachers do. You don’t find out about affairs and rumors of sexual inadequacy. You don’t find out who was gay and who had more or less than one testicle. They try to take the ‘story’ out of history.
I was lucky. My history teacher through a good part of high school Mrs. Walton treated history like juicy gossip. Most of our classes verged on being an episode of TMZ, but talking about more flamboyant dead guys in a military uniform. TMZ only has Michael Jackson.
History can be interesting, but that’s not why I took the time to write all these words. History can be interesting, but history is important. I am taking the time to tell you this, because I hope that it means more coming from me, a jerk-off, beer drinking, ass clown, Internet junkie, than it would coming from your parents or your history teacher. History is important.
Why?
You have all probably heard the quote, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” from philosopher George Santayana. It’s a pretty good quote, but I would go one step further. I would say that those who can remember the past can predict the future.
Don’t believe me?
How many times have you used a map? Maps are historical records, but you use them to plan the future, to predict where a road will be, what exit you will use, etc. That was a cheap example of history telling you the future, but political moves, religious movements, etc., etc., etc. have all happened before. Of course, history isn’t some exact crystal ball, but it is as precise as a marketing survey, because history is basically a marketing survey or poll of all of humanity of all time. What brand of religion do you use? Who is your favorite leader? What’s your favorite color? Companies use surveys and statistics to make decisions about their future strategies and products all the time. If you know history, if you know how to read history, read between the lines, you can predict the future in the same way, and who doesn’t want to be able to predict the fucking future?
I know what you are thinking, and Nicolas Cage in Knowing doesn’t count.
