25th
one time, i saw a midgets vagina.
Dear Ned,
Midget is not the correct term. Dwarf, Little Person, or LP are the appropriate terms. So, yeah, Dwarf’s Vagina… also not to be confused with Dwarves’ Vagina, Disney’s original working title for Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
allow me to explain.
i was in my friends apartment, watching the television comedy show Scrubs, as was the style at the time. it was around Halloween. and we may or may not have partaken in the marijuanical activities right before all this happened. so during the commercial break, a mutual friend comes in, starts laughing, then sits down. and we’re like “hey man, why are you laughing” and then he points at the door and starts laughing more.
in the time it would have taken to say “i bet you one thousand US dollars i don’t see a midgets vagina in the next forty five seconds”, a midget (female) comes through the door wearing a catholic schoolgirls outfit, and dives across the mutual friend sitting on the Lay-Z-Boy. however, she’s not wearing any panties, and her NORMAL SIZED (I KNOW) vagina is splayed akimbo for all to see as she is writhing her way back up to standing position - which takes her a good twenty to thirty seconds to do (because she is a drunk midget). its one thing to see a vagina, its another to see one totally unexpectedly. its another to unexpectedly see a little person with a normal sized vagina. do you know what white noise sounds like? imagine that for your eyes. this is something you can’t unsee.
over the fifteen minutes the midget gets sad and drinks a lone, plaintive beer and tells us all how much she wants a “baby daddy”, before leaving with aforementioned mutual friend.
